As I moved into midlife, I experienced an uptake in my personal power, and an undeniable need to rid myself of any beliefs or expectations that were not authentically mine. I realized there needed to be a paradigm shift in the way we think about aging as a whole, but specifically how we think about women aging.
I started the Conversations That Matter Series because I saw so many high-achieving, soulful, dynamic women out in the world living their purpose in midlife and beyond, and I felt it was high time we started having important discussions about what it means to be a midlife woman in today’s world, and how we can rewrite the story about what it means to be a woman aging.
Today’s guest is Isabel Parlett. Isabel has spent her life exploring how words connect us to ourselves and each other. She formed her company, The Soundbite Shaman, to teach calling-driven business owners how to develop the message and material that forms the foundation of their original business.
A former actress who spoofed Shakespeare and Greek tragedy in a mud pit, and got strangled onscreen in a low-budget thriller, she was an early adopter of coaching and one of the first 40 coaches to be awarded the Master Certified Coach designation.
Because of her reputation for finding simple language to communicate what’s hard to describe, Isabel literally wrote the definition of coaching for the industry when she was tapped to head the committee to create the official definition of coaching for the International Coach Federation.
For the last ten years, Isabel has been actively writing and speaking about the shift in business towards connection-based language and inspiring business owners to pursue the work they are most passionate about. She runs a successful six-figure business and is also working on a memoir.
Evelyn: How do you view getting older? What does “aging” mean to you?
Isabel: I’ve mostly really enjoyed aging. My twenties were actually a pretty tough time in my life and I’ve felt every decade since then has been stronger and richer and more fulfilling. I am 48 right now, and I am looking forward to my 50s. When I turned 30 I remember saying to myself “now, I don’t have to please anyone but me!” That sense of living more for myself, and not to please anyone else has only grown stronger.
Evelyn: Do you have female friends from all age groups or are they all around your age?
Isabel: I’ve always tended to have some friends who were older than me. In my twenties, one of my best friends was ten years older, and one of my good friends now is about 16 years older than I am. I’ve really appreciated the wisdom of these older women in my life. Both my friend Jane, from my twenties, and my friend Patricia now bring incredible depth to the table. They seem less caught up and attached to the day to day life drama and more aware of what really matters. It’s helped me understand the gifts and the challenges of being older than I am.
Evelyn: Are your parents living? Are you one of the many midlife women who are caring for them? To what degree and how do you feel about it?
Isabel: To be honest, I’ve been really spoiled in this regard. My parents are 75 and 81, and they are still strong, healthy, and engaged in life. They are heading off to India for a month to go to an Aryuvedic clinic in February! They exercise a lot and eat well, and do a lot with alternative medicine. So I haven’t had to care for them yet.
They are really great role models for healthy vital aging. My father still goes to his office on the UC Berkeley campus most days to do his math research, sometimes he even rides his bike to and from campus, and my mom travels a lot and recently completed a draft of her first novel. She calls herself a hyper-active senior. She had thyroid cancer this summer, and she barely let the surgery and the recovery keep her from her writing or being at our summer cabin.
That said, they are starting to slow down. When the whole family visits at Christmas, it’s starting to be too much for my mom. My dad is starting to have mental lapses.
So, when I am with them now, I’ve stopped being the child, trying to get their attention and approval, and I just look for ways I can help out and reduce their stress.
Evelyn: How do you deal with adversity? Is it the same way as you’ve always dealt with it? What’s different?
Isabel: When I was younger, I would turn on myself when things got bad. I would blame myself, get so stressed I had trouble eating, I would obsess about things that went badly. And usually I would try to work twice as hard to overcome whatever I was struggling with. Generally, not a great recipe. Though I was always one to persevere in the face of obstacles.
What I’ve really learned in the last 20 years or so is to be much, much kinder to myself (and I am trying to teach this to my 12-year old son as well.) I’ve also developed a sense of spirituality, of trust that I am here for a reason, and that in some way, I am being cared for and provided for.
So, I don’t worry so much if I am awake in the middle of the night. I often journal. And in my middle of the night journaling, I often connect to spiritual guidance about how to move forward. I also dance to feel and release whatever energy is moving through my body.
I’ve learned to be really humble in the face of challenge. I’ve gotten over the idea that I am supposed to know it all and do it all well. I am more accepting that we all face challenge, and that in a given moment, it’s my “turn” to struggle, or fail, or be brought low, or suffer loss.
And I have enough life experience now to believe that in most cases, things will turn out ok if I stay present, listen to what’s happening, and respond as best I know how.
Evelyn: Talk a little about your creative outlets – those hobbies, activities, things that release your creative side. How important is bring creative to you?
Isabel: Being creative is one of my top strengths and my top values. A lot of my youth was about discovering myself as a creative being – I was a dancer, I sang in a chorus, I was a professional actress. I learned how to edit film. That urge to express is still huge and is becoming more and more the focus of my professional work.
However, after I stopped pursuing acting, I put all my creative energy into my business (coaching and business communication training) and let some of the more purely creative efforts wither.
One of my great joys has been to reawaken more and more of my creative interests. I’ve written poetry in the last few years and worked with spoken poetry, and I am currently working on a memoir of my twenties. I also went back to dance and now take ballet twice a week. (Okay, it’s not the most expressive form of dance but I am getting much, much stronger which I need if I want to do some other form of dance).
My work still has a strong creative component – I am always developing new content and new approaches to what I do – and I would really be happy if I could spend more of my day in creative pursuits like writing, dancing, acting, etc.
Listen in to the full conversation with Isabel where she gets open and honest about midlife challenges and opportunities by clicking on the audio link below. When you’re done, please share your comments here in the Inner Affluence community. These really are conversations that matter, and they can’t happen without YOU!
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The post Conversations That Matter Series for the Midlife Woman – Isabel Parlett appeared first on Midlife Coaching for Women | Evelyn Kalinosky.
